Celebration Expectations

Recently I had the privilege of helping my DIL plan her parents 35th Wedding Anniversary. A lot of thought and work went into it and it was an amazing party. There were probably 75 people in attendance. Her mother was very thankful for my part of the celebration and said that in a few years she would be helping plan my 35th Wedding Anniversary party!

We've never made a big huge deal publicly about our anniversary. Some years our celebration consists of "can you believe we've been married this long?" And "how did you put up with me?"  We are OK with this.

Our lives look totally different now. Because of more recent events almost all of our friends of over 20 years are not part of our lives anymore. We no longer have a home church. Friendships, that were at one moment in my life paramount to my happiness and functioning, are no longer available to me. What I have left are an amazing husband, 3 DIL's who are more like daughters, 3 sons, my best friend and my husband's best friend (who are thankfully married to each other). And I will include this new friendship we are creating with the above mentioned DIL's mom and dad. That would be the extent of my party! I guess maybe was a little embarrassed at first because there is no way that my party could even begin to look like their party! I know I am well and truly blessed to have these + my grand kids. A huge party would not be my style and I hope, that in a couple of years when it's "my turn" I am able to say so.

I guess I need to be reminded that my life doesn't have to reflect the lives of other people. I can be who I am and love those who have been given to me to love. Big isn't necessarily better . . . Love, life, friendships and families come in all sizes!!!!!!!

Happy New Year (almost)

Just went back and re-read my New Year's resolutions from last year . . . I think I did really good!  My relationship with M has continued to blossom and our understanding of each other has grown, too.

This year my goal is to Make Memories!  I want 2014 to be a year of establishing long remembered occasions that my kids and grandkids will look back on and say that they were some of their best memories!  Camping, overnights, one-on-one time . . . whatever we can think up . . . I am going to be all in this year. 

We had a wonderful Christmas. Creating new traditions every year and letting go of some of the old. Loved Baking Day, Christmas at J & M two days before Christmas, Breakfast on Christmas Day at G & S, Dinner at J & A's.  All wonderful, happy memories.  I am finally through the heartbreak of years past and wrapping my arms around the family that I have - and so is G.  I believe 2014 is going to be an AMAZING year!!

Taking Sides......choosing teams

Here it is again.  The same old problem.  The same old questions.  Yes, I choose to not have a relationship with #2 son anymore.  But my husband has chosen to still have a connection to him.  He thinks it's easy for me to do this .... and nothing I say can convince him otherwise.  Number 3 & 4 sons were on "team mom" from the beginning. But I just heard from #1 son who is now on team mom too.  That means that only my hubby is willing to have anything to do with him.  The last couple of weeks have been really hard because hubby has gotten the treatment that all the rest of us have endured for years. He is torn. His heart pulls him in two different directions.  It causes friction and tension in our home. He asks for my advice and hates what he hears. I want him to understand everything that #2 son did to me over the years while hubby was too busy with work and other interests.  Dealing with him was left to me. I made all the decisions. But he is unwilling to listen to what I have learned. He will have to learn it himself. He will have to let #2 fail and fall and screw-up and beg. He has to grow up or face the natural consequences. Because of his NPD he won't though. And that is where hubby's head banging begins and ends. He doesn't understand (yet) that #2 Won't. Learn. For us to be able to love anybody, to be able to function daily - we must let go.  I only pray that the person he lets go of isn't me.

I loved my vacation!

We took a 15 day trip to Europe. We cruised the Rhine River and saw Holland, Germany, France and Switzerland. What a wonderful time. My most favorite was the time we spent in Switzerland. The Alps! OMGosh! Stunningly beautiful, breathtaking and life changing. We are going next to Australia and New Zealand...but someday I would love to go back to Switzerland!

Newtown

We mailed the albums on March 11th. Although part of me is hoping to get some response from the families that will receive these albums...I know I should not have any expectations. They are a gift, given in love with no thought of anything in return, and I pray that thru these albums these families will feel comforted somehow. They were well prayed over and well loved while we had them. May God bless them as they make their way into these homes.

Newtown

My friend, C called to tell me that God had laid it on her heart to create scrapbooks to give to the families that lost their children in the Newtown, CT school shootings. 20 children gone. So that last few weeks I have been eking out time to go create these books - 20 pages per scrapbook - with my girlfriends. I have done Allison's album and am now working on Jesse's. Each page created with the hope that someday, sometime these children's parents will place their child's photos on these pages and be reminded of the joy and laughter and wonder that their child was. That in the remembering the will be blessing and healing through tears. I imagine that each of the pages will also include tear stained splotches that will only enhance the beauty of the finished product. And if these precious children's parents are never able to use these books, I pray that they will find some measure of comfort in the thought that we remembered their child. I have never felt this type of grief and can only imagine what dark roads it must take their moms and dads on. My heart and prayers go out to them.

My New Year's Resolution

So I am terrible at New Year's resolutions. . . But this year I made one. While having lunch with DIL A I discovered that I had been thinking all about me in my relationship with DIL M. So . . . This year my resolution is to get to know her. Why she makes the choices she makes. Why she does things so different than me. Instead of complaining about how her choices affect me . . . I want to know why they are her choices. Started off well last night. Had them over for pizza and spent good quality time just trying to connect. And we did! So I am feeling quite proud of myself and the other benefit is that doing positive things makes the negatives in your life seem to retreat to the back of your mind. BONUS!

Happy 2013!

It's only fitting that I start the New Year off right by blogging!  Looking back at my Christmas goals I find that I did manage to do ALL of them! 

Goal for this New Year:

• Be closer to God                  
• Be closer to Hubby
• Be an excellent friend
• Be an excellent Mother-in-Law
• Work on relationship with M
• Be happy with what I have
• Be generous with what I have
• Be brave
• Be motivated
• Be choosy (in a good way!)
• Be a light

This is gonna be a great year!