Taking Sides......choosing teams

Here it is again.  The same old problem.  The same old questions.  Yes, I choose to not have a relationship with #2 son anymore.  But my husband has chosen to still have a connection to him.  He thinks it's easy for me to do this .... and nothing I say can convince him otherwise.  Number 3 & 4 sons were on "team mom" from the beginning. But I just heard from #1 son who is now on team mom too.  That means that only my hubby is willing to have anything to do with him.  The last couple of weeks have been really hard because hubby has gotten the treatment that all the rest of us have endured for years. He is torn. His heart pulls him in two different directions.  It causes friction and tension in our home. He asks for my advice and hates what he hears. I want him to understand everything that #2 son did to me over the years while hubby was too busy with work and other interests.  Dealing with him was left to me. I made all the decisions. But he is unwilling to listen to what I have learned. He will have to learn it himself. He will have to let #2 fail and fall and screw-up and beg. He has to grow up or face the natural consequences. Because of his NPD he won't though. And that is where hubby's head banging begins and ends. He doesn't understand (yet) that #2 Won't. Learn. For us to be able to love anybody, to be able to function daily - we must let go.  I only pray that the person he lets go of isn't me.