Memories

Have been working on a huge project...getting all the boxes and boxes of stuff out of the attic....stuff I saved to sort "later" and then the time was here.  Finding bits and pieces of treasures...and junk...and trash.  The interesting thing is some of the things that used to be "precious" just arn't anymore.  I tossed all my Palm Springs memoribilia....all my Forest Home stuff....well I saved the report cards and pictures...but every letter I ever received....gone.  Just not interested anymore...and frankly don't even remember most of the people who sent them.  And I didn't want to burden my family with dealing with them later.  And they don't care about that...I never talked about it...and most of it wasn't very happy anyway.  Did they need to know that I went by "Skipper" most of the time?  Oh and I tossed the Campus Crusade for Christ stuff too....except for Dick and Becky's stuff.  That was special. That means something to who I am today.  Learned a few things about my mom, too.  Threw all stuff regarding J & C and DR....that whole mess....gone....nothing left.  Not a stitch of paper left of those years and years of pain and destruction and the legacy it has left.  Thought that maybe someday J & C might want to see everything we did for them....the fight we put up....but on paper it was just ugly.  I am reminded almost daily of the legacy of those years...and prefer to soften the affects of both sides by not leaving it in black and white.  Nobody wins...we all were damaged and have scars to show for it.  But God's Grace didn't leave us there....He has healed old wounds, patched up relationships and brought us to who we are now.  The family we are.  Still have one child who prefers to stand a bit outside of where we'd like him...but time may heal that, too.  I found some of my old writings...poems...songs.  Saved those for the kids to laugh at later!  And another thing I found that was interesting was that I found probably 20 or more letters that I had written....epistles really....telling about my life....pages long letters....that I never sent.  Even in my own estimation...they were pretty good letters...and mostly handwritten....why didn't they get sent?  Why would I take the time to write these essays and not send them?  I honestly don't know.  I tossed some and saved some...some that might give my kids insight into who I was at a particular time in my life.  Oh and the old crushes and boyfriends....Scott, Ira, Jim, Randall, Randy, Mike, Bob, and probably a few more I can't remember.  Love letters and cards to Gary....definitely kept those!  Cute papers the kids wrote in school.  Saved the good stuff.  Probably threw out some good stuff.  But in the end...it is just stuff....and to have reduced it by about 8 garbage bags (the big outdoor ones) feels good, too.  Probably being the mother of boys helps...my boys aren't that sentimental...at least not yet.  And don't get me wrong....I've saved plenty.  So someday....if they read this....they'll know....I tried.  And it's much better organized than they deserve, too.