Broken

I guess it doesn't really matter who is broken...me or him...either way it is beyond being able to be fixed. "All the King's soldiers and all the King's men could not put it back together again."

Hate. I said it 100 times last night. HATE! I HATE him! This blog is supposed to be about choosing to love...choosing to LOVE! I can't. Is there a time limit on love? Is there a point at which it is no longer worth it? Does it at some point need to be reciprocated?

Toxic...that's what we are. I can't do this anymore. He sucks the life out of me without even a care. He is selfish. He feels entitled. He is devoid of empathy or sympathy. He is a vortex that can only suck in all that is good, kind, sweet and lovable and expels nothing!

I am once again asking my husband to choose between me or him. What kind of person does that make me? Where does that leave our relationship? Certainly not better. We inflict so much pain on each other. I need him to choose me. I know he will choose me. I am secretly happy that he will choose me and that it will inflict pain on the one I hate.


Ultimately that is what I want......I want him to feel the pain that he has caused me over the last 30 years. And the sad thing is I know he never will. He is incapable. He is broken. And he has broken me.

He was my son.